That’s what you must remember.
This week that’s what I must remember. I returned to work after long term sickness due to my increasing anxiety & low mood. I lasted two shifts until once again I had to admit that, that day in particular, the anxiety was too much and I couldn’t jeopardise my progress by forcing myself to work through it.
Over the last week I have learnt something new. Something I haven’t considered to be true for a long time. People are lovely. At their very best people can astound and amaze you with their kindness and empathy. All around us in the media there are reports of people acting at their very worse; bombings, rapes, murders, but this week I saw love. Love from people I didn’t know even thought of me, love from people that know very little about me, love from people I thought would have forgotten about me long ago.
That love has kept me going during this latest setback. Knowing that I do have people to talk to about even the darkest thoughts means that they don’t need to be trapped inside my own mind. It means I can make them feel a tiny bit smaller by sharing them with someone else. It means that I can treat this illness like it was any other and not feel excluded from society. Sometimes all it takes is a few kind words.
Looking to the future is difficult at the moment. In fact, it’s always difficult for me but more so now. I have to remember I’ve been much lower than this before. I’m going about my daily business the best I possibly can and I’m writing through the storm. Tomorrow is my first detailed counselling session. In the past I have been guilty of feeling sceptical about treatment I have been offered, when you’re stuck inside your own mind it’s hard to feel someone who doesn’t know you will be able to help at all, but this time I’m positive. I have to find what works for me. Everything is worth giving a shot if it can make me feel a tiny bit more like the old me.